The wild herd theory, why drinking helps

As I progressed through college I had many weekends (and some weekdays) to pontificate about my drinking. And, as many people do, I came up with a reasoning as to how my drinking was helping me in some way (granted I was 20 at the time). Now, even though I do realize it has some flaws, I refuse to believe it's not true.

As we all know, wild herds are thinned out by predators. The weakest and slowest are the animals taken. This feeds the beast, but also allows the herd to function more efficiently. The herd can now move more quickly and protect itself better. Well (I think you can see where I'm heading with this), drinking does the same thing. We all know that alcohol kills brain cells. But, I believe drinking kills off the weakest and slowest brain cell; thus improving the overall function of the brain. You are now able to think more quickly and efficiently because you're drinking!! Hey, it sounded good on a Saturday night in 1996.